The gifts of change
Transformation can be incredibly challenging but so much depends on what we give our attention to
Yesterday, I posted about a beautiful day I had recently with a dear friend in London. We spent a very spontaneous afternoon together, delayed by appointments, crowds and general busyness. But it was wonderful just to go with the flow of the moment, without plans, being present with one another and what was, feeling joyous and grateful for the gifts it brought.
It is an intense time of transformation in my own life, that of many people I know and clearly in the world around us. There is ‘something in the air’, a rising or expansion of consciousness, the bringing forth of a new world in which we can live in peace and harmony, love all of life and enable it to flourish, regenerate the biosphere that sustains us and be free. In order to make way for that life, the ‘old’ needs to disintegrate and fall away. For many of us, that disintegration feels bewildering and distressing, if not worse.
In our modern world, we are so used to living in our minds. We rely on our intellect to make choices and decide how to act, elaborate strategies and make sure they get done. Rationality and logic are often given precedence over feeling, particularly in anything considered of value to society and one another. Philosophers and scientists have been arguing with one another for centuries about the nature of reality and how life works, and the debate continues.
Our bodies often harden and numb so that when life’s joys and bumps force us to feel, we are at sea with what to do with those long-buried sensations and emotions. Or we block them out with alcohol and drugs, all manner of addictions, including busyness. We dedicate our lives to being productive, successful, competing to be somewhere in the stack that makes a difference, or at the very least, keeps us safe in our belonging to the tribal culture, even if our particular taste of busyness is something that we experience as purposeful and impactful.
What if there were some very different ways to be and do in the world? Many of our challenges span multiple parts of life and the more we try to address one area, the more we find ourselves entangled in even bigger problems. We can often no longer think our way through those challenges, they feel too overwhelming. Take my own life circumstances for example, not as a ‘poor me’ story, simply as entanglement at the simple scale of one (or two).
Back in January, hubby and I went on a discovery trip of an area of Tuscany where he had inherited some family property. We enjoyed the trip despite the worst season of the year and many places closed until spring, and returned home believing we had a strong shared vision for moving to our new home when it was free to do so. Then life, my spirit guides, destiny…stepped in and put a completely different pathway in front of me, one which spoke almost immediately to my heart and soul and that I knew deeply was for me. It has brought about the fast unravelling of my own.
‘Crises’ on multiple fronts - becoming single again after almost two decades of shared life, leaving my home, changing country to return to where I grew up because I don’t really have any reason to stay where I am, starting new activities to put a decent roof over my head and food in my belly, rediscovering myself in a life where I have given far too much away at my own expense. Learning to love myself first and foremost, so that I can live in real Truth, Love and Freedom.
There is much to clean up along the way, both in my own backyard and around me, through feeling all that is in my field without retreating from it for a moment. I cannot strategise my way through my own personal ‘polycrisis’ because so much is dependent on everything else. If I try to address just one area, for example where do I live, all the other interconnected parts of life light up like Christmas trees as well. So for the most part, I am doing little beyond being with my own feelings and what I can sense of those around me - my beloved husband who doesn’t want this version of me, the lawyers and the legal process, those who are supporting us in a myriad of ways. Then I never feel alone, even in the depths of waves of grief, anxiety and despair. I observe the stories that colour and control my experience, sometimes as they overcome me like huge waves, other times with a certain detachment, occasionally also with an incredible sense of wonder.
New ideas and opportunities can then come, which are not arising from my fast, thinking mind. They are dropping in from somewhere else, a deep, direct knowing of what is and what will be. Small steps, small decisions and responses. Learning to trust the miracles that are Life, the emergent fields among us all, how the universe really does always have our back. For this simple soul, it takes patience and practice. I am a novice work in progress and I am slowly, surely starting to feel free.
‘We are led to believe a lie
When we see with and not through the eye.’
William Blake
Perhaps this experience of the metaphysics of reality are what artists and mystics have known for centuries. There is remarkable agreement and coherence amongst the adepts of the world about how life really works. I remember years ago reading a paper which strikes me now too - If you depict a bird, give it space to fly - by the American psychologist Eleanor Rosch, in which she explores how we can have a much more basic and deeper experience of the world than our minds allow. Eleanor describes how Eastern practices of meditation and the arts give opportunities to glimpse this reality that are accessible to us all.
It’s certainly true in my experience that what we give our attention to grows. When I am embroiled in a victim story about what is happening to me, I feel crap and get more embroiled, polarisation entrenches even further and there are few routes out of it. Instead when I can sit in a much more panoramic view about why, where and how I find myself in my current life circumstances, I am far more grounded, curious, open, willing to question everything and full of love. I can see much more clearly and am ready to receive guidance, assistance and miracles. I can set clear intentions and take aligned action in service of them to bring forth my own new beautiful chapter of life.
I described my situation to a small group recently as if someone had pulled a thread in a pretty but faded old carpet. The whole thing came rapidly apart and now in front of me is a pile of coloured threads and a load of dust. I’m gently, slowly choosing which threads to pick out and weave into my future, and putting the rest in a bag that may sit for a while at the back of my closet, before I give them away or throw them out.
Who knew?! And thanks be.
Please join us here on Substack if you would like to read more about how to be stable in the face of significant change.
Or take a look at our website where you can find:
an introductory video where Josselin and I talk about why it is so important to Restabilize now
details of our free, monthly online Gathering (the last Tuesday of each month from June) where we’ll play with some ideas and practices that you can try out for yourself
an invitation to our regular half-day ‘Raise your vibe’ workshops in central London, a fun, energising event which will get your
We look forward to meeting you somewhere along the way!